Do you ever have one of those random conversations which touch you down to the core? Something that starts out as a chat with a colleague, and ends up making you have a deep realisation about yourself?
Perhaps not, and it’s only me! I had one of these conversations last week with a co-worker. We started talking about a friend’s daughter who has a dream career and is off doing exciting things. I was reminiscing about my teenage years and early twenties. I had quite bad depression in those 10 years from around 15 to 25 on and off. I spent so much time trying to survive through it, that I missed all the things that being young, fairly broke and brave can bring; travelling around the world, random jobs, developing passions, not having the commitments and the baggage that you accumulate as life moves on. I was equating that with regrets, mainly that I didn’t travel much when I was younger. I think this probably also reflects on turning 40 this year. (See other posts here and here in the Turning 40 series).
I was talking about this to my co-workers and how I feel that when you’re young you feel so much braver, and this diminishes with age. One of them said to me ‘But you can be brave at any age’ and gave me some examples of how she had to be brave one time which just really resonated me. Of course I can be brave now, more than ever. I’ve got the stability, the experience, and the confidence now to be braver than ever. Who says we can’t save, take a year out and travel if we want to? It’s about attitude, and I can choose to have a positive one or a fearful one.
It led me to realise that right now I am quite fearful. Do you ever feel like that? I’m letting the magic number 40 reduce my world into a small little circle. When actually I am in my prime, I am reducing debt, I get the meaning of life more now than I ever have. I think perhaps becuase of where I am in life, I have unwittingly allowed fear to creep in around the edges and move in. I am at a crossroads in my career, not knowing which way to turn. I am trying to build The Mindful Hub into something in my spare time between full time work and training to teach Mindfulness, which is a slow, hard business. I am trying to be a good wife, a good daughter, a good mother. I want to be a good person, a good human. All that takes a decision to be I realised from the conversation that I can choose to Be Brave, or Be Fearful. It’s a choice I can make, every day.
I am so thankful for that conversation. It reminded me that my best years haven’t passed. I am at my best now. I can choose now. I can choose to do anything or be anything I want. I choose to Be Brave. Do you?